THE MOM SPIRAL
PARENT THE HUMAN WAY
SEPARATION
IS EASY WITH ATTACHMENT
Separation is the complete opposite of attachment.
Separation is the root cause of alarm in the body.
There is no other experience that has more impact on their emotions, instincts or nervous system.
And all the ways you're trying or being told to separate IS NOT GOOD FOR ANYONE!
Nothing is going to change their innate need and drive to be attached to you.
You can’t talk them into it or force them to feel it.​
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I'm not going to tell you how to orchestrate this perfect situation
or give you tips or tricks to make it seemingly run more smoothly.
That would be ignoring the root cause and real feelings.
Suppressing energy that needs to be expressed.
Primal energy that's only trying to keep them safe with you. ​
It'll also only show up in other ways and pop up in some other area of life. ​
You know I don't do band-aids! ☺​
So how do you go to work? How do they go to school? How can you separate?
Without meltdowns, crying, and full on resistance?!
SOLID ATTACHMENT WITH YOU AND CONNECTION TO THE NEW ATTACHMENT.
It's simple. It just takes a little more effort.
Not only will you make the experience easier and better for everyone.
You're providing the true safety your child needs to thrive.
Otherwise they'll spend all day, every day they aren't attached to an adult in total SURVIVAL mode. ​​
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You have to support attachment so they can experience it through other ways.
This Spiral covers school, daycare, other attachments, and bedtime.
The basics of any transition or separation and the best practices to always keep attachment strong and their bodies
feeling as safe as possible which is the ultimate goal and what’s needed to have smooth and healthy separation.
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This Spiral was created for the hard places that we tend to have to force and follow through with.
This will give you the best way to support everyone in the process with attachment and the nervous system as the main focus.
SEPARATIONAL SPIRAL
LESSON 1
BASICS
Concepts of attachment and how separation relates.
Best practices for any transition or separation.
How to keep attachment strong and their bodies feeling as safe as possible.
What to do when alarm happens just from anticipation. ​
Foundational concepts for your kids! Empowering them to know and understand their bodies. Normalize alarm.
The body is the truth teller. The mind is the story teller.
Alarm can come from lack of information, insufficient information or misconceptions.
How to react when they express a fear or what’s essentially alarm.
The concept of true dependence on your first for them to truly be independent without you.
Examples of common situations society pushes us into or think are "normal" but are in total opposition to attachment and development.
What to do to best support them and strengthen attachment and ways to shift your perspective in these places.
How to make them feel safe in any transition.
LESSON 2
SEPARATION
When our kids aren't attached to an adult they attach to their peers (what this means for development, maturity and safety!)
and how this is greatly connected to behavior.
The concept of a slow start and ideas to implement it.
The groundwork and how to create a strong foundation for attachment.
Things to do during one on one connection with new attachment.
The concept of the rainbow and how this holds attachment while you're apart.
How to handle when they have emotions in an empowering way for both of you.
The concept of matchmaking, the important things to do with the new attachment and ideas for them to do.
Signs of defensive detachment, which to you looks like playing when you come like they're just having fun, it's a red flag!
How to tell the difference between alarm and exhaustion.
LESSON 3
TRANSITION
All the ways to help them feel safe? Foundational concepts and ideas. Adding all the layers of attachment.
All the little places you're missing for connection because you're not looking through the attachment lens.
How to use the Mirroring strategy. Play ideas.
Using the rainbow for physical or emotional separation.
Repair for any energetic disconnection or separation (impactful example to share with teachers).
Separation rhythms and rituals to strengthen the core sense of safety.
LESSON 3
COMPETING ATTACHMENTS
Your child can only have one true attachment and it needs to be you. How to keep and strengthen this.
How dangerous peers are as attachments, how easily they pull our kids away from us and how to prevent it.
The huge misconception this puts on our teenagers. It's not understood and it's where we loose our kids.
Divorce situations.
LESSON 4
COUNTERWILL
The most misunderstood and misinterpreted dynamic of the parent child relationship.
The explanation of its importance and natural purpose and how to not mess with that.
How to approach it in the right way and not take it as defiance or noncompliance.
LESSON 5
SHYNESS
Very misunderstood concept. When you see shyness through the lens of attachment, it makes perfect sense.
What to do and not do to honor their body. How to avoid labeling or giving them a complex.
LESSON 6
FEAR
Play can help with fears so much, but you have to know the sweet spot.
The pendulation process. How to support them in finding their edge. How to use the edge but respect their limits.
LESSON 7
BEDTIME
Understand the mind's role and how to use the body as a guide so you don't waste your time on all the excuses they give you!
How to know when they are at their edge and what to do there to move the process.
All the checkpoints before you get to bedtime and how to approach them best.
All the attachment and connection pieces to have in place so bedtime is easy and quick for everyone.
Sleep struggles are ultimately separation struggles and how to approach that rather than what you're probably doing.
3 main things needed for sleep.
Create a supportive bedtime routine.
All the hidden places to check that tend to connect to nervous system sensitivities.
The best ways for their body to move energy at bedtime.
Nightmares or night terrors.
LESSON 8
COLLECT
All the ways to connect, collect and engage attachment instincts after separation. How to orient them back to you.​
LESSON 9
PREPARE
What to look at to reduce, release or take responsibility for the alarm.
How to strengthen attachment before. Slow start schedule. Different ways to strengthen connection with new attachment.
Ways to prepare and things to do together for the time they'll be away from you.
LESSON 10
PROCESS
The actual separation. All the ways to support and things to do when it's hard and doesn't go as planned.
Step by step explanation. The Rainbow concept.
LESSON 11
STUCK
How this specifically shows up in separation and how to approach it. Places to look at to see how separation might be affecting them.
The easiest way to tell when you pick them up or reconnect.
Tricky places to think about and where we don’t know or have control.
SOMATIC PRACTICE
The foundation you want to have around the emotion they feel when separation comes up and that starts with tracking the feeling.
PLAYBOOK
All the ideas to create a strong attachment.
SCRIPTS
Age friendly scripts to explain the concepts of their body, nervous system, attachment and separation.
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Your child is worth it